Haywire is quite simply, the worst "mainstream" movie I have seen in years. Within the first 10 minutes, I was ready to walk out of the theater due to the horrible script and shoddy acting from everyone involved. The "script", if there was one, seemed penned by a fifth-grader. The "action" scenes are probably the most boring set pieces I have seen in quite some time. I realize that they are intended to look and feel real, and in that respect, they do. However, real fighting does not translate well onto screen. I can not stand the quick edited action scenes that are popular in film these days, where you can't see the action. I realize they were trying to move away from that here, but at least make the action on screen keep the audience's attention. Pair that, along with overly long shots of Carano looking around, trying to figure out what to do next, and you have a completely stale film. Do I really need to see her take every clumsy step when descending a building? Soderbergh thinks I do, and it just proves once again what a horrible director he is. Now, I will say that I have enjoyed a couple of his films. But two or three remotely decent outings from a director who has done so much explains a lot. The majority of his films are overrated, much like his inflamed ego. Luckily, the bomb this movie was seemed to knock that ego down a few notches...but probably not for long.
Throughout my viewing of this utter piece of garbage, all I could think is: Why, Ewan? Why did you do this? You are better than this. But, it does seem that he is really phoning in his performance here. You can tell he doesn't care, he's there to get paid. And, I hope he and the rest of the cast got paid a hefty amount to tarnish their impressive portfolios by appearing in this.
You may think I am being overly critical. And, I very well may be. But the fact is, I have seen many many films, and I know a good product when I see it. I know what good acting looks like, what a good action scene entails, and what good set design and lighting looks like. This film had none of those. I admit, Carano is quite attractive, which is where most of the high reviews here are stating. But, that does not constitute good acting, or a good film. Now, under a different and better director, she may be able to deliver a decent performance, but that remains to be seen.
All I can say is this: Haywire is the first movie I have ever wrote an online review of, after watching in the theater. The minute I came home, I sat down and had to vent my frustrations. Never had I loathed a film for taking away my hard-earned money and wasted my precious time, more than I did with Haywire. I want to spare anyone who is contemplating watching this film the frustration I have had in it's wake. Do not support this film. If you do, he will make other films of equal or lesser value, and unleash it on the unwitting public. Please...save us from that wrath. Do not watch it.